Finding God's Providence in storms and Proverbs

God's providence has been an undeniable force in our life as a family, yet at times it still leaves me surprised and awestruck.

The month of May found us amid the most unexpected heartbreak. As a family, we were left shocked and reeling from events that unraveled around us. Jordan and I sought God's guidance on a moment-by-moment basis to figure out how to handle what was going on. We were overcome with emotions of sadness, anger, and betrayal, but somehow we had unshakable peace about the way we were proceeding. It was a peace that was not of this world, and it started with a feeling of unrest in January of this year.

As 2025 began and people around the globe enjoyed the fresh start that the new year brings, I felt uneasy. That's putting it mildly. I genuinely felt like I woke up in January in someone else's life. Something just felt off. It was like the feeling of your clothes not fitting quite right, or a rock in your shoe that stops your stride short with every step you take. There was something unfamiliar about home, which should be the most comforting environment we know. Somehow, this dark cloud had just settled over us and wasn't moving. I asked Jordan if he felt it, and he said yes, something was different. Even Tag told me that he couldn't figure out why, but he had a feeling like something was wrong. We took solace in knowing that we were all experiencing this lack of peace. It started affecting my mental health, though. My anxiety hadn't been that bad in years. I questioned every decision I was making throughout the day--big ones and small ones. Did I make the right choice about which school lessons to do? Am I applying for the right jobs? Should we repeat testing for this issue or that one? I couldn't think straight because of the constant noise in my head as I sought out the source of this lack of peace.

We pursued God even more fervently at that point, and both of us felt He was leading us to read through the book of Proverbs every month. One chapter a day, or two on shorter months, in addition to our regular Bible studies that Jordan and I were doing. And that's what we did. Every month, we read through Proverbs and prayed specifically for God to direct our hearts, our steps, and our words. There is nothing more convicting than month after month reading some of your own worst/first instincts written out as the fool that people are not to emulate. I'm an emotional person, and that tends to come out in my communication. Especially in situations where I see wrong being done to someone. I'll go scorched earth faster than I can blink. God knows that. And He knew what was waiting for us.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I got to experience something I wait for all year--the chance to sit in a room and listen to Sonya Shafer speak. She has been a huge source of encouragement to me in homeschooling kids who have different needs. I was excited to have some separation from the events of May to soak up her wisdom and refresh my spirit. That day the workshop wasn't exactly homeschool-centric, but it encouraged my heart in just the way I needed. Sonya was talking about the storms we experience in life, which for her was cancer last year. For us, it's been medical trauma, loss, financial crises...but she said something that made my unsettled January, and our whole year, make sense for the first time.

As Sonya explained, life's storms come quickly. The only thing we take into them is what we've been feeding ourselves leading up to that. You can't prepare for a storm once you're in it. Yet, God still prepares us without our realizing it. He knew that in May we would face a storm suddenly, one that left us shell-shocked and tempted to rage in our emotions. He knew that we had the potential to be a storm in someone else's life, depending on how we responded. He allowed us to feel unsettled in January, to seek His guidance, and find months of spiritual food in Proverbs.

I've said so often that when we are surprised by something, God is not. But it's so much more than that. Not only is He aware of what will happen, He's actively making provisions in our lives to equip and comfort us. How blessed are we to serve a God who is taking care of us before we realize we need care?

Jordan and I still read a chapter of Proverbs every day. Now more than ever, we need it as we heal. It's so tempting to be led by our emotions and the storms in our lives.

But God already knows our weaknesses.

He already knows our needs.

He already knows the next storm in our lives and is preparing our hearts to walk through it.